Couple of Laughs
Posted: Tue Jun 29, 2004 1:32 amHave you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately
take the words back or crawl into a hole? Here are the
testimonials of a few people who did:
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided
to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally
able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and
annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not
start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror,
she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell
Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up
the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my
daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed
behind me was screams of laughter.
===============================================
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in
tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo
and a blow job?" I immediately turned around and walked back
out and never went back! My husband didn't say a word... he
knew better.
===============================================
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf
balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one
of the good-looking gentlemen who worked at the store. He
asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him
and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
===============================================
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that
sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the
display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed
any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."
My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned,
and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister
has never let me forget.
===============================================
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My
three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and
I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a
quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full
dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny,
so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was
clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a
while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No." I
kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I
don't have any clothes with me." I repeated, "Danny, are you
SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just
KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was
getting worse... Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did
you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his
pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled: "SEE MOM,
IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on
their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
One old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best
laugh they'd ever had!
===============================================
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a
very embarrassed female news anchor that will, in the future,
likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict
snow but don't get any? A true story: We had a female news anchor
who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't,
turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8
inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to
leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing
so hard.
brad
take the words back or crawl into a hole? Here are the
testimonials of a few people who did:
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided
to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally
able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and
annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not
start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror,
she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell
Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up
the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my
daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed
behind me was screams of laughter.
===============================================
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in
tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo
and a blow job?" I immediately turned around and walked back
out and never went back! My husband didn't say a word... he
knew better.
===============================================
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf
balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one
of the good-looking gentlemen who worked at the store. He
asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him
and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
===============================================
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that
sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the
display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed
any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."
My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned,
and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister
has never let me forget.
===============================================
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My
three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and
I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a
quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full
dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny,
so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was
clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a
while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No." I
kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I
don't have any clothes with me." I repeated, "Danny, are you
SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just
KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was
getting worse... Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did
you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his
pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled: "SEE MOM,
IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on
their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
One old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best
laugh they'd ever had!
===============================================
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a
very embarrassed female news anchor that will, in the future,
likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict
snow but don't get any? A true story: We had a female news anchor
who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't,
turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8
inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to
leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing
so hard.
brad
.... this is Lilpink the morning after the night b4 lol... eeeek hahahahaha)